IF THEY CAN PUT ONE
  MAN ON THE MOON...

Why not all of them!

"IF YOU WANT SOMETHING
  SAID, ASK A MAN...

If you want something done, ask a woman!"

                                                  ...Margaret Thatcher

THERE ARE EASIER THINGS IN LIFE
  THAN FINDING A GOOD MAN...

Like nailing Jell-O to a tree, for instance!

 ALL MEN ARE ANIMALS...

Some just make better pets!

 MEN HAVE FEELINGS TOO...

But like...who cares!

 TIME IS A GREAT HEALER...

But it's a lousy beautician!

GINGER ROGERS DID EVERYTHING
  FRED ASTAIRE DID...

Only backwards and in high heels!

  IF YOU WANT TO PLEASE ME...

Just whisper my favorite words:
"I'll buy it for you!"

WARNING:

I have an attitude, and I know how to use it!

 DO NOT START WITH ME...

You will not win!

MY HUSBAND COULD HAVE HAD
ANY WOMAN HE PLEASED...

He just couldn't please any!

MY IDEA OF CLEANING
  THE HOUSE...

Is sweeping the floor with a glance!

THE ONLY TIME A WOMAN
  CAN CHANGE A MAN...

Is when he's a baby!

IF A WOMAN'S PLACE IS
  IN THE HOME...

Why am I always in the car!

Q: Why do female black widow
   spiders kill the males after mating?

A: To stop the snoring before it starts!

WOMEN WHO SEEK TO BE
  EQUAL TO MEN...

Are lacking in ambition!

 REAL WOMEN DON'T HAVE
  HOT FLASHES...

They have power surges!

 FEW WOMEN ADMIT
  THEIR AGE...

Fewer men act it!

SURE, GOD CREATED MAN
  BEFORE WOMAN...

But then you always make a rough draft
before the final masterpiece!

  A WOMAN...

Has to do twice as much as a man
to be considered half as good.
Fortunately, this isn't difficult!

A GOOD WIFE ALWAYS
  FORGIVES HER HUSBAND...

When she finds out that she was wrong!

WOMEN WILL NEVER BE
  EQUAL TO MEN UNTIL...

They can walk down the street with a bald head
and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

LITTLE GIRLS EVENTUALLY
  BECOME YOUNG WOMEN...

Little boys have the job for life!

 MEN ARE LIKE HOROSCOPES...

They always tell you what to do,
and are usually wrong!

 A LITTLE GRAY HAIR...

A small price for wisdom!

  MEN ARE LIKE BLENDERS...

You need one, but you're not quite sure why!

 WHEN GOD MADE MAN...

She was only joking!

 "A WOMAN WITHOUT A MAN...

Is like a fish without a bicycle."

                                                 ...Gloria Steinem

 THE BEST MAN FOR THE JOB...

Is often a woman!

  ALL I ASK...

Is that you treat me no differently than
you would the Queen of England.

HOW MANY ROADS MUST
  A MAN TRAVEL DOWN...

Before he admits he is lost?

 WOMEN'S FAULTS ARE MANY...

Men have only two, everything they say,
and everything they do!

SORRY IF I LOOKED
  INTERESTED...

I'm not!

IF YOU ARE GROUCHY, IRRITABLE,
  OR JUST PLAIN MEAN...

There will be a $10.00 charge
for putting up with you!

 IN A PERFECT WORLD...

A person would feel as good at 50, as she did
at 17, and she would actually be as smart at 50,
as she thought she was at 17!

I LOVE TO HEAR THOSE
  THREE LITTLE WORDS...

Cash or charge!

 GIVE A MAN A FISH...

And he will eat for a day.
Teach a man to fish,
and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day!

IF A WOMAN YELLS
  IN THE WOODS...

And no man hears her, is she still wrong?

THIS JOB WOULD BE PERFECT...

If it weren't for all the work!

THE BEST WAY TO FORGET
  ALL YOUR TROUBLES...

Is to wear tight shoes!